Relationship – Is it about me or us?

Well, what a week I have had after my first post – Are we living or existing ? . I am overwhelmed with the encouragement from all the friends and family. I would like to thank each one of you for taking time to read it and sharing insightful thoughts.

I now feel a lot more comfortable touching another topic close to my heart– “Relationship – Is it about me or us?”

I would be using a metaphor to make it easy for our brains to ask the right kind of questions, look at the picture above – a couple maneuvering a kayak through a river. Though relationships are much more complex but I could immediately see a lot of similarities. Let’s for this post imagine a kayak as a relationship, that we are taking together on an amazing and unpredictable journey of life.

*Note for my left-brain, even if the couple in picture were on different kayaks, imagine it like those couple races where you need to reach the finish-line together.

Now to simplify further, I have divided this journey into 2 sections: Section 1 – The planning and preparation phase;  Section 2 – The journey itself. For both these sections, we will have questions for an individual – ‘me’ questions and questions that we discuss together – ‘us’ questions.

Section 1 – The planning and preparation phase – This is similar to the initial phase of a relationship.

Let’s first look at the ‘me’ set of questions:

• Do I know my strengths and weaknesses?
• Do I know my partner’s strengths and weaknesses?
• Do I trust my partner?
• Do I know where I am headed ?
• Am I 100% committed to do my best, no matter what?
• Am I ready for the journey – physically, mentally and emotionally?

Then comes the ‘us’ set of questions, need to be discussed together:

• Do we understand each other’s language?
• Are we transparent about each other’s strengths and weaknesses?
• Have we discussed and picked our ‘roles’ based on our strength?
• Are we aware of each other’s expectations from the journey?
• Are we committed to support each other on this journey, no matter what?
• Are we ready for the journey together –physically, mentally and emotionally?

Section 2 – The journey itself

If only a journey could be so simple that it can be planned entirely. The preparation might make it smooth through the easy segments of the river but there is always some unpredictability.  This could be a rough patch or a tricky rapid or a free fall or even a boulder in the path of our kayak.

The real test of mettle is in the journey itself, especially through rough patches… that’s how life is, isn’t it?

And remember this is not the time to castigate each other…What’s done is done…Life is happening NOW!

Again, some ‘me’ questions first:

• Am I paddling in sync with my partner?
• Am I paying attention to my own fatigue?
• Am I paying attention to my partner’s fatigue?
• Am I having space to stretch?
• Am I giving my partner space to stretch?
• Am I supporting my partner to the best of my abilities?
• Am I acknowledging and appreciating my partner’s support?
• Am I encouraging my partner?
• Am I communicating to my partner?
• Am I listening to my partner?
• Am I living or existing?
• Am I happy?

And the only ‘us’ questions I could think of during the journey:

• Are we transparent about answers of ‘me’ questions above?
• Are we living or existing?
• And most importantly …are we happy?

Now at the end of this post, I am thinking,  is relationship beyond ‘me’ or  even beyond ‘us’? Could there be another dimension which can take it to new heights – (me) ² ?

Think about it…

Stay well and stay inspired!

~ Piyush